Things Not to Do When Applying for a Job

As you may know, we recently lost our front desk worker and are in the beginning stages of finding a replacement. And although I really want to find a replacement, I do not want to hire the first seemingly intelligent person we find. I want to find someone who can do the job without constant reminders on every little thing; someone who is eager to help others achieve a greater level of health; someone who goes above and beyond the call of duty. Does anyone know...do these people even exist anymore?
While going through this process (and our previous hiring processes), we have encountered many unusual actions by those hoping to be hired.
I have compiled a list of Top 10 Don'ts When Applying for a Job.

10. Don't tell the potential employer that you've never done a resume (This is 2008, people. Figure out how to do a resume!).
9. Don't forget to check your spelling before you send in your resume and cover letter.
8. Don't forget to answer your phone with a smile or at the very least a pleasant greeting (A gruff, "Huh?" will not work).
7. Don't be late (Seriously...do I need to say more? If you're late, we throw your application away).
6. Don't arrive late and then blame the directions (Figure out how to get here before the day of your interview if you're unclear on directions).
5. Don't ask if you can bring your baby to the interview (I'm not kidding. This happened).
4. If you do ask to bring your baby, don't argue when you're told that it would be too much of a distraction (Telling me you don't have a babysitter and asking me what you're supposed to do won't get you your way either. If you can't make it to one job interview without your baby, how can I expect you to work without her.~ Seriously...this happened!).
3. Don't come in to an office that promotes health while smelling like you just chain-smoked a carton full of cigarettes.
2. Don't tell me you don't like your current job because your boss expects you to do too much work (Do I even have to offer an explanation here?).
1. Don't be rude to the person at the front desk (You never know if she may be sleeping with the boss). ;)

Every one of those things has happened. I couldn't make these things up. It's a wonder some of these people have ever gotten a job. Crazy! They have definitely kept the humor in the process.