Don't Put Off Until Tomorrow...

It's been a hard couple of days. Yesterday morning, as I was rushing to get ready for church, my phone rang. It was my mom, and I almost didn't answer because I was in such a hurry. For some reason, though, I had a feeling I should pick it up. So I did. What I heard was such a devastating shock, I didn't know what to say or do. She told me that my grandmother had died in a house fire. She said that on Friday, she saw a story about a house fire on Deese Road that left a woman dead. She immediately called the Fire Department and expressed her concern that her children's grandmother lived on that street and wanted to be see if it was her. The dispatcher asked for my grandmother's address, my mom gave it to her, and the woman told her, "You're ok."

My mom was still concerned but felt some reassurance from the dispatcher. Then, she saw it in the paper on Sunday morning. It was then that she realized that it was indeed my grandmother. That's when she called me.
After I heard the news and got off the phone, I was in such shock. This couldn't be. She couldn't be gone, not in a house fire. I hadn't even gotten to see her since she'd come back; to introduce her to my husband, my kids. My sweet Grandma Jan. My Grandma Jan who had always fixed me raisin toast, who invented my favorite drink...the slurprise. My Grandma Jan who loved to sing, hum, and play the organ. My grandmother who loved to work in her yard and would always come pick up my brother and me and take us to do fun things. Grandma Jan who would pierce my ears over and over because she always thought that the holes had closed. My dear sweet Grandma Jan who strongly believed in natural health and LOVED Melaleuca...way back before anyone knew what that stuff was.

Although I haven't seen her in about 15 years, I can hear her voice as clearly as my own. It seems like I just saw her yesterday. I can hear her singing, I can see her crying because of the broken relationship between her son and his kids. I can hear her laugh. I can see her putting on her lipstick and pinning up her pretty blonde hair. I can hear the stories she used to tell of how poor her parents were and all the trials they went through as she was growing up. I can see her so clearly, I can hear her voice as if she were in the room.

Yet she's not. I'll never see her again, and that absolutely breaks my heart. I'm broken-hearted that I'll never be able to introduce Channing and my boys to the grandmother who meant so much to me as a child. She was the only contact I had with my birth father's side of the family. Despite the lack of relationship with him, my brother and I had a strong relationship with Grandma Jan. She loved us so much and made sure we knew it. She desperately wanted us to have a relationship with her son, but for many reasons, it wasn't something I was interested in.

And now that she's gone, I have no one on that side of my family. I can't even begin to explain how that feels. There's just such an emptiness and sadness. My heart aches. I am filled with guilt that I never went to see her once she came back from Nebraska. You see, she left our hometown for Nebraska when I was in school. Her parents (my great-grandparents) lived in Nebraska and were in very poor health. She moved up there to take care of them. She spent many years there. While there, she suffered a nervous breakdown and was never again the same. She moved back but wasn't in good health. She just never recovered from the breakdown she had.

The fire started in the kitchen. Although they are investigating, they think it was caused by lightning. It was an afternoon fire, and we're not sure why she was unable to get out, but we think she may have been trying to put the fire out.

My grandmother was beautiful. I often compared her to Zsa Zsa Gabore. She wasn't your typical grandma. She was eclectic and fun. She had such a beautiful voice and a loving heart. I will miss her so. I so wish my boys had been able to meet her. I will make sure to tell them all about her and how much she would have loved them.

If I have learned anything from this situation, it's this...

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Just two days before this happened, I was thinking about Grandma Jan and how I was going to take the boys to her house the next time I was in Ozark. Now I know that I will never be given that chance. How I wish I had done it the last time I was there! What I wouldn't give to relive that weekend. From what I've heard from one of my uncles, it wouldn't have been good to visit. She was really doing bad. Still, I wish I had. Just to see her one last time...what I wouldn't give...

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Make sure your family knows that you love them. You never know how much time you'll have them with you. Life is so short and can be lost in an instant.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain...Revelation 21:4